Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
