Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
