I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
