I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
