Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
not ubering you a puppy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
