areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
