I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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