Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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