I heard we made out
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You can't special order awesome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
