I smell stomach acid.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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