Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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