you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
