just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
