Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
