when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
