I think I am morally bankrupt
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
