Your dad touched me again.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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