she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize