4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I accidentally had phone sex last night
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
