Can Purell be used as lube?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
