you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
