I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
