im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
