If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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