You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
