I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
