Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
