Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
