Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
