I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
