Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
40s are totally the cure
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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