the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
