We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My vagina is officially offended.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
