I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
