THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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