Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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