Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
