is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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