i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
