We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
