My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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