we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
