idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
