fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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