we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
