you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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