Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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