So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
