The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
