Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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