WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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