do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
