Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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