We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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