Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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