Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
