Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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