I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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