The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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