I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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