**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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