I should be sponsored by Trojan
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
