What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
