if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
