Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
