a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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