When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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