this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
